I am ashamed to admit that what was originally intended to be a thorough, continuously updated travel blog has been neglected repeatedly throughout the year. This was completely unintentional and my excuse is that I actually got some of the stuff intended to be posted on here published for real(!) and thus was not allowed to publish it elsewhere for copyright reasons. This is a poor excuse because there are a lot of things I have failed to write about at all that could have gone on here, and other people have been writing much more frequent blogs and spouting them around on social networks which makes me feel sorry for my own blog which has become much like a rabbit that you love at first and promise to cuddle all the time but eventually get bored of and leave in its hutch in the garden and forget all about it. But there's no point in lamenting that I guess.

We are leaving sydney in a week. Finally. We never intended to stay here this long but our inability to save efficiently means we have been here for almost six months. The last leg of our journey is going to be so worth it. I will fill you in now in case I am having too much fun to do so en route:

Leave Sydney Saturday 13th:

10 days driving in a campervan up to Brisbane stopping at coffs harbour, byron bay and all the plalces in between.My birthday will be spent loving life on a beach (hopefully)

Anzac day (25th april)

Brisbane for a few days until the beginning of the next leg of the journey which will include:

Noosa
Frazer island 3 nightsoff roading, camping, surfing etc.
Airlie Beach
Magnetic Island 3 nights
The whitsundays cruise 2 nights including snorkelling scuba diving etc etc sleeping on deck under the stars
Cairns
The waterfall featured in Peter Andres "Mysterious Girl" muic video
The others are doing a skydive, I'm doing a bungee jump and having recurring nightmares about doing so
Great Barrier Reef boat trip, more snorkelling etc

We then have three weeks before me and Skeletor have to go home and are so far undecided on how to fill the time.

Excited is an understatement.

Then we are jetting to Kuala Lumpur for 4 nights before heading back to the UK (sob)
And that will be our year over. Scary how fast the time has gone.

But more lamenting no doubt when I get home.

For now aurevoir xxxxx  Lazerbeam

Melbourne to Sydney

The road that connects Victoria and New South Wales is very long and very beautiful.
I am intrigued by the road itself, which is called the Princes Highway. And it is very very long. It runs from Adelaide (South Australia), all the way along the southern coast, through Victoria, into New South Wales. In total it's over 2000km. Then it keeps going, up to Brisbane and all the way up to Cairns, only its name changes to the Pacific Highway. How do they work out the Post for people who live on that road? Do the houses start at number 1 and just keep going? And what about bin day? Impertinent questions, but valid nonetheless. Australia's sheer size baffles me sometimes. The distance we drove puts any other road trip in Britain to shame. It's further than driving from Lands End to John O'Groats. Quite a lot further. And I used to think driving to Leeds from Manchester was a long way. Because the road is so long and in some parts so far from civilisation, the sign posts become very agressive. DROWSY DRIVERS DIE and WAKE UP were just a few examples. Unnerving though they are I suppose they make sense, if you're planning to do the entire trip from Melbourne to Sydney in one go it is 1040km (644 miles), and does take over 12 hours, so you probably will get drowsy at some point. 

We decided to break it down into manageable chunks, a bit like bitesize revision. We drove from Melbourne to Lakes Entrance on day 1, Lakes Entrance to Eden day 2, Eden to Woolongong on day 3 and Woolongong to Sydney on day 4.

Day 1 - Emotional Wrecks (318km)
We had had a heavy one the night before. Of course we had. But we had planned our departure so that in theory all we had to do then was collect the car from the city, drive it to the house, pack the bags into the car and set off. Sounds simple enough.
We couldn't find the car rental shop. Isla's directions kept telling us to go under a building that didn't have an underground. I won't go into trivialities because its making me angry again, but it took us an unreasonably long time to collect the car. Then we had to say bye to two of our bestest friends in Melbourne. And that wasn't easy either. So we stopped for a KFC to recuperate. I then proceeded to fall asleep in the car for the majority of the drive to Lakes Entrance, so I'm afraid no descriptive writing about scenery for that leg of the journey.

We arrived at our motel in Lakes Entrance and headed down to the docks for something to eat. Lakes Entrance is one of those lovely seaside villages no doubt overridden by tourists in summer, but in mid spring was peaceful and picturesque. The harbour has a long boardwalk which lets you meander past the moored boats and appreciate the sea breeze. Our guidebook recommended a great little restaurant that was on board a boat docked at the harbour, so we ate delicious fish and seafood whilst being rocked gently by the waves. We got chatting to an enthusiastic and inquisitive middle aged couple who loved the novelty of our accents and asked an overwhelming amount of questions about our travels. They enlightened us (a day too late I'm afraid) on the Australian highway code, and a preposterous manouvre called the "hook turn" used only in Victoria, which bizarrely and dangerously requires you to take the left hand lane in order to turn right at a cross roads, meaning that you have to career across four lanes of moving traffic whilst also avoiding any trams or pedestrians. Australians do like to make driving unnecessarily complicated. We talked them through our plan to travel the east coast, and were given the blunt and slightly unnerving advice, "Don't go to the Gold Coast because it's full of Asians, you won't like it."Australians are an endearing and lovely people on the whole, but the casual racism along with the assumption that everyone else is also a racist may perhaps be their main character flaw as a nation. Especially a very young nation made up of immigrants. Somewhat hypocritical I feel. That brought our discussion to a rather abrupt end, and we headed back to the motel.

Day 2: Whale Watching (241km)

We began early, grabbed a quick breakfast at a cafe and hit the road again. We had decided in advance that today should be the shortest leg of the journey, as Eden has a reputation for being absolutely beautiful and the weather was perfect for spending the day outside; bright, fresh and clear. The drive to Eden is relatively straightforward and cuts inland through a long stretch of forest. We arrived mid afternoon and intended on hitting the beach. The wind at the coast had picked up however and it felt a lot like being attacked by a sand blaster so we turned to the visitors centre for advice. The helpful lady at the desk told us that late October was whale watching season and that there was a peninsula just up the road that made an excellent vantage point. So that's where we headed. The moment the car dipped over the tip of the hill we could see out over the Pacific, and lo and behold a whale breeched at that moment! Even hundreds of meters out to see it was spectacular to witness. The splashes they make as they hit the water again are enormous. We were momentarily overwhelmed with girlish excitement and squealed uncontrollably. We hurriedly parked the car at the top of the hill, took a picnic and a blanket and spent the rest of the afternoon watching the whales. It was one of those days that make you feel incredibly lucky to exist. 

That evening we ate at what appeared to be the only place open, and from the outside looked dingy, a bit grotty and unatmospeheric. However we were pleasently surprisedd to find it busy, bustling and the food was excellent. Impressed with ourselves, we headed back to the motel and proceeded to invent our very own card game, called Isla's Shed.

Day 3: Batemans Bay (396km)
Between Eden and Woolongong there is quite a long way. We spent most of the day driving with only a short stop at Batemans Bay to break up the journey. It's a long stretch of beach which was almost deserted. We got our first taste of NSW summer time and basked like walrusses in our pale English skin. Back on the road we arrived in Woolongong, and as we hadn't booked anywhere to stay the night we had to drive around for a while to find somwhere suitable. On the whole we weren't impressed with Woolongong, it was a relitavely large town only an hour or so from Sydney, yet there didn't seem to be much going on. We mooched around looking for somewhere to eat, settled on italian, and then spent the evening playing cards again.

Day 4: Arrival (85.4km)

The last leg of the journey was over quickly. Luckily the car rental place was easier to find than in Melbourne, and only around the corner from our hostel. Elephant Backpackers would be our home for the next four weeks, and is a truly abominable place to live. But Sydney is fantastic. 

I love the parks, and the fact that they are all connected. I love the trees with the roots that hang from the branches all the way to the ground. I love that the Harbour Bridge creeps into the background of your photos almost everywhere you go. I love that the people are tall, tanned, healthy and exercise openly in public. I love the outskirts; Surrey Hills, Glebe, Newtown; the beaches, Bondi, Coogee, Manly. I love that the transport system works, that the shopping centres are all inside air condidioned shopping malls, and that there are statues and water features on almost every street. 
I think the main thing about Sydney that makes it so enjoyable is that it doesn't feel like England. Whilst I adore Melbourne, the cold winds and unpredictable weather, the quirky back streets and crazy bars make you feel almost like you could be back in Manchester. Sydney is different. It has a glamour and decadence that makes you feel like you are somewhere else. Which is good, because we are on the other side of the world. 

More to come - Love from Lazerbeam

The Great Ocean Road starts on the South Eastern outskirts of Melbourne and skirts the coast all the way to Adelaide in South Australia. We travelled as far as Port Campbell, usually the final destination for those intending on seeing the Twelve Apostles. Distance travelled: 283km

We set off on Friday morning, a quick pit stop at the liquor store left us $120 lighter in the pocket but well equipped with goon, passion pops, lager, cider and free hats. The journey began with a detour through Melbourne's frankly terrifying and poorly sign posted Central Business District. But we managed to get out eventually and onto the aptly named "freeway", which for three girls used to the reserved and civilised British roads where everyone obeys the rules, overtakes in the fast lane, indicates, and generally tries their best to avoid death, was nightmarish. It seems that Australians either don't have the same rules as us when it comes to driving extremely fast in a metal box down multiple lanes of tarmac for a very long way, or they must enjoy making the whole thing a bit more exciting. We witnessed undertaking, articulated lorries driving ludicrously slowly in the fast lane, and everybody seemed to like swerving around unpredictably without warning. Luckily we survived to tell the tale.

We saw lots of Australian wildlife once we got out into the countryside, huge soaring eagles and lumbering echidnas were a welcome distraction from spotting roadkill. Of course, we stopped at the first available opportunity to walk barefoot on the white sands of the south coast. The sea is very dramatic in these parts compared to the calm waters within Melbourne. After a picnic and a nap in the sunshine we headed off for pastures new. Isla really enjoyed the winding roads, and I can gladly say that I am relieved I wasn't insured to drive. The Great Ocean Road shames most places in Britain in the league of hare pin bends and manic overtaking on straights, save for perhaps the Snakes Pass.

Our first night was spent in Apollo Bay in a delightful hostel right near the shore. We went for a casual drink on the beach, dinner consisted of steak and chips in a friendly local pub whilst we awaited the arrival of our friends Hazel, Sinead, Georgina and Ciaco, who took the detour to end all detours through the hills and didn't actually see the Great Ocean Road at all until the next day. We spent an amicable evening on the veranda in mismatched chairs,  hammocks and blankets, smoking, drinking, laughing and revelling in the anticipation the days to come.

The next morning we set off again with frequent stops in the rainforest along the way. We saw wild koalas way up high in the trees, kookaburras, a lonely kangaroo and plenty of ancient and enormous Eucalyptus trees, hollowed out and big enough for all of us to comfortably stand inside. After deciding that $120 was extortionate to zip wire through the trees, we headed to a waterfall in the middle of nowhere which turned out to be a good half an hours walk away from the car, in the beautifully natural surroundings of ferns, more Eucalyptus, and the somewhat ominous threat of carnivorous snails. Eucalyptus forests give off a wonderfully fresh scent.The waterfall itself was magnificent, tumbling and cascading down bare rock faces interspersed with huge fallen trees and more ferns. We tried in vain to spot a platypus, and returned to the car park invigorated from a near vertical climb back up the hill.

 The next hour of our lives took a dramatic turn for the worse as our car, perhaps still traumatised from the freeway, decided to make an alarmingly loud and grating, whining, screeching noise every time we tried to drive. Myself and Isla were eventually abandoned to mind the car whilst the rest whizzed off to attempt a rescue mission with no mobile signal and the awareness that the nearest breakdown recovery would probably be a good two hour drive away. 

Grimly certain that our time of reckoning may have arrived as the scene roughly resembled something from The Blair Witch Project/Cabin Fever, we did the only thing that made sense, and rolled a big fat one. We were after all well stocked with alcohol and various confectionary and snacks, and the car was in no fit state to be driven any time soon.

 Just when we began to take our anger out on the car, thinking all hope was lost, through the misty dappled haze of Australian sunlight we saw our hero come driving forth in a gleaming white four wheeled drive. A friendly Essexian family stopped, and a bald gentleman proceeded to get on all fours and grapple around under the brake pads for a moment, took the steering wheel, and miraculously the grating noise of metal on metal had stopped! All I can say is, if you want anything car related doing properly, find someone rugged and manly. And English.

Triumphantly we set off again back to civilisation. We collected our friends and decided it was probably a good idea to head to our apartment for the evening, as Isla, in her inebriated condition, was finding the curving roads and flashing phases of sunlight and shadows rather an ordeal.

This idea was of course blown straight out of the water when we spotted signs for the Twelve Apostles. We arrived just as the sun was beginning its descent through the clouds, and the effect on the view was stunning. Dappled sunlight gleamed off the roaring frothing ocean, and haloed the clouds so brightly that we could almost forget the icy winds blowing straight from the Antarctic. I can honestly say that the Twelve Apostles are one of the most awe inspiring sights I have had the pleasure of seeing with my own eyes. The contours of the deep earthy orange protrusions remind you of how ancient this huge island really is. Millions of years have passed in which those rocks were created, only for them to be irrepressibly eroded by the unyielding ocean. Only eight now remain of the original twelve, the corpses of the fallen merely rubble scattered above the waves, whilst more are oh so slowly being carved out of the coastline with each wave that crashes into it.

Eventually we tore ourselves away to begin our evening of drink and debauchery. There is only so long you can appreciate the wonders of nature before you need a stiff drink to get over how insignificant you are. We got a bit lost again and Isla decided to drive on the wrong side of the road for a little while, but we arrived at our lovely apartment in Port Campbell, complete with spa-bath, in once piece.

Ciaco made a deliciously Italian dinner of prawns, courgettes (sorry, zuccini) and heaps of spaghetti. After that things get a bit fuzzy. We played tequila roulette, in which Isla bit the bullet so hard I'm surprised she didn't break her teeth, and Georgina became convinced that that her eyesight was failing her, so much so that she tried to put her glasses on, realised it was just the tequila, then crawled to bed with Isla embarrassingly early. The rest of us decided it was a good time for a jacuzzi, transformed the bathroom into a bar, and splashed around in the water happily whilst Hazel took on the role of mother and supervised us from the lofty position on the toilet seat. I can only assume she was making sure none of us drowned, which was a good job because Victoria had a good try when she got her leg tangled around the tap, so thank you Hazel.

The next morning heralded added confusion to our hung over packing, as the clocks had changed overnight and nobody knew what time it really was. We recovered slightly with a good breakfast at a steamy café on the esplanade and set off again on our journey back the way we came to pet kangaroos, wallabies and (for some reason) deer at a wildlife park. I decided that Emus need to learn some manners, kangaroos are lazy, and wallabies are shy in a rude way.

We waved farewell to our travel companions at Lorne, they had to go to work the next day, whereas we had to eat some serious fish and chips. They aren't like the greasy flavourless rubbish you get back in the UK, they are delicious and fresh in Australia. Lorne is lovely, they have flocks of wild Cockatoos terrorizing the town, which for some reason they seem to think is a problem. I loved it, they are much better than pigeons.

For our last day we went to the lighthouse at Split Point where they filmed "Going Round The Twist" and stared intently out to sea for an unusually long time in the hope of spotting a whale. We then attempted to find the beach in Torquay, failed, and headed back onto the freeway with heavy hearts.

All in all exactly what you would want out of a road trip; wildlife, breakdowns, detours, amazing views, fun driving, and copious amounts of alcohol.

5 stars Great Ocean Road, well done you.

Sorry to all of our avid readers but we have been very busy getting jobs and a flat and so forth.We now have both (we have actually started and left jobs and are starting a new one next week - keen) so thats great. Our house also comes with its own possum - he lives in the ceiling and rustles and scrabbles about in the night - slightly unnerving on our first night but we love him now. Lazerbeam was a milklady for a week or so but that didn't work out, and Skelecopter was a waitress but that didn't work out either. Perkupine has generally been swanning around Melbourne buying the shit out of the shops, looking at the aquarium, the planetarium and various other -ariums. We went to the casino too, had fun gambling, Lazerbeam won a solid $55, Perkupine casually won $190 from a single chip, and we won't mention Skelecopter.

So generally things are great, we are going to the Zoo this weekend, and Lazerbeam is going to get a cuddly toy Koala/Possum/Kangaroo.

So, we touched down in Melbourne after mini flight pastries, thankfully no grey omlettes this time. The time was 7.40am and it was around 28 hours since our last sleep. Olivia (lazerbeam) decided it might be a good idea to leave her kindle on the plane so it could perhaps take a trip back to Singapore but sadly the pilot thought this was not such a good idea and came and gave it back!

We turned up at the hostel at 8.30am to be told we weren't allowed to check in until 2pm, this was sad. 3 hours sat in McDonalds was even sadder. Whilst Fiona (Perkupine) did not quite have the energy to move, Skelicopter and Lazerbeam took a hazy walk in an attempt to find leaflets, leaflets we did find. When we returned Perkupine had been thrown out of McDonalds and was sat at the hostel waiting. After pleading with the lady at the desk we were finally allowed up to our (very cold) room. After several hours napping it became apparent that we had a new room mate, and we were delighted to find that his name began with a T...... Tony Top Bunk was born. He's quite a tall man, around 38 years of age with rather large walking boots and a rather loud snore (which Perkupine didn't seem to be too fond of).

Lazerbeams good friend Liam Ambrose had been waiting with bated breath for many months for her arrival and was most put out when we told him to shut up and go away whilst we slept, so to make it up to him we took a trip to his hostel and had a lovely reunion where he told us all about how fond he had recently become of trees and shrubs following a recent excursion to the Botanical Gardens. After leaving his hostel we decided to catch a tram (in the wrong direction but how were we to know) but were momentarily distracted when a burly gentleman in a dress and high heels came scuffing and staggering towards us. Whilst he did have a wig, makeup and a five o'clock shadow, he seemed quite harmless and smiled benignly as he made his way past (all I can say is I hope I don't walk like that in my high heels when I'm drunk). We watched with some concern as he attempted to cross the tram lines, but thankfully his stillettos didn't get stuck. He stopped for a little rest on the central reservation, and to our surprise and distaste relieved himself like a carthorse without even so much as pulling his dress up, or his stockings down. Satisfied, he continued on his way, and we decided it was probably best to get a taxi afterall.

Too tired to fill you in on the latest but thought it best to share our first impressions of Melbourne. Trams, Trannies, Tony Top Bunk.... All in all it's a lot like Manchester.

Over and out,

Skelicopter & Lazerbeam

Today we did hungover packing,went on a boatride, ambled around a park and disembowled a massive crab. Success. We fly to Melbourne at 10.35 tonight, so bye bye Singapore, we had a great time!

Just taking some time out from doing my "I've got a red silk dressing gown with a dragon embroidered on the back" dance to post this message. We touched down in Singapore with great joy and relief having attempted to sleep unsuccessfully for seven hours. It was a slight concern to Isla as to where we were to meet her friend and honorary tour guide Shane, who lives in Singapore and who she had carried a very heavy bottle of vodka a very long way for. However her worries were assuaged when we got to the pub/hostel as he was waiting for us outside, very excitable and keen to begin our adventure. A quick change of attire later, we found ourselves drinking beer, eating spicy noodles, admiring the view from Shane's panoramic window in his apartment and then inextricably being whisked to the One Raffles Place's Altitude Bar - the highest outdoor roof terrace bar in the world. What a view. Singapore has a skyline that mesmerizes you; you could stare at it all night and still not drink it all in. So we retired to our reserved table (speaking of reservations, I have my own about Shane's ability to jump queues and sweet talk staff) where we drank copious amounts of vodka for the rest of the evening.

      Needless to say the last leg of the journey back to the hostel is a bit fuzzy, I do believe there was a large McDonalds involved though. We slept like sweaty little sloths for over twelve hours, recharged our batteries with big dirty bacon sandwiches and litres of fruit juice, then had a fun, touristy day drinking Singapore Slings at Raffles, looking at fountains, drinking some more, and then scampering through China town and bartering for my dressing gown ($60 - bargain), which I now sit triumphantly in feeling very much like a mafia don's wife. Perhaps I'll marry Shane. Time to continue the celebration, after which we are parading through Clark Key taking advantage of the ladies' nights' free drinks. 

Love from the Lazerbeam xx